OK, so I'm depressed. I lost my job, I'm alone all day and night, and I can't afford to see a doc or continue my ADs. What do you expect?
I don’t belong anywhere, with anyone, doing anything, ever. In my nearly 30 years I’ve only felt close to another person for a few brief moments. Instead, I am the afterthought. I’m the person you call when everyone else is busy. I’m your last resort.
You won’t find photos of me with others. I don’t go on trips, I don’t go to parties, I don’t even register with those I consider my closest friends. No one calls me. I call them and hear how they’re too busy and too tired to spend time with me. When I was working, I spent eight hours at the office and sixteen hours in my house. Now I spend twenty-four hours in my house every day.
There are a couple of people who call or write when it becomes clear that I’m standing on the edge. I appreciate it, but I feel more like a charity case in this situation. They have other lives and I just don’t fit.
When I was five, I tried to take dance. On the first day, I was pushed out of line to the floor because no one wanted to stand by me. I still try to be a part of something, but I always end up on the floor. I’d say people avoid me or ignore me, but I honestly don’t think they remember that I exist.
Sarah, if you can, jump on a flight to Cyprus (let me know when and I’ll pick you up), chill out with us for a few days, appreciate Cypriot wines and food and I guarantee you’ll feel better. It’s impossible to be depressed for long here.
Seriously girl, take it easy, ADs are not always the solution (and the Cyprus option is genuine)
